The Day Zach Quit Hockey

The Day Zach Quit Hockey

Zach officially walked away from the sport he has loved since the he was six years old.  He says he will always love hockey.  He will still play around at hockey but his desire to play higher level hockey is gone.

He had no idea how to skate when he set his skates on the ice that first time.  His hockey stick looked like a shepherd's crook by the end of his first season.  He had no idea how to do a hockey stop so he used his stick to stop himself...turning the blade of his stick into a curved mess.  But he didn't care.  All he cared about was getting on the ice, feeling the rush of the icy wind on his face and working to get better and better.  In those early years, he would pick out the best kid on his team and say "See that kid over there, I'm gonna be better than him someday."  It worked for him.  He pushed himself harder and harder.  Hockey was his first love.

I will tell you the story of how he came to say "good bye" to his first love through a letter I hope he someday reads.  But not now, not yet.  My emotions are too raw and too much, I think, for him to be able to handle right now.  As I sit here typing, my throat is constricted and tears are rolling down my cheeks.  There is so much more to the sport of hockey, for me, than simply watching a game.  For me, right now, this means Zach is growing up...

Dear Zach,

I have watched you play the game you love for 10 years so I hope you understand, someday, how hard your decision is for me.  The hockey rink is the place where I have watched you grow from a little boy into a man-child.  The hockey rink is the place where fast friendships were formed and a broader sense of family was created.  Hockey was your fist love and it turned into mine as well.  I never expected to be a hockey mom.  I never expected to fall so in love with a sport that most consider violent.  But I love it.  I love watching you play.  As you take your place at the door, waiting for your shift on the ice, I watch you ready yourself to spring into action.  I see you zero in on your opponent who has the puck and prepare yourself to pounce.  There are times you are like a shark out there...circling your prey ~ striking at just the right moment.  I love watching you skate, effortlessly, up the ice and back again.  I love watching the plays form between you and your teammates.  But most of all, I love watching the bonds form between you and the young men who started as teammates but became friends.

The hockey rink is where, we, as parents developed nearly familial bonds with other parents who were as passionate (or crazy) as we are.  It was at the hockey rink where you started to come out of your shy, shell a little and realize that you didn't have to do something perfectly the first time you tried it.  The hockey rink instilled a confidence in you that, try as we might, we never could.  When we moved from Louisville to Richmond this close knit hockey community embraced us and took us under its wing, making us an immediate part of the big, giant hockey family.  I will be eternally grateful to all that the hockey rink has given to you and, by default, us.  The hockey rink has become synonymous with family for me.

I want you to know, though, that I am so very proud of you for making your decision.  I know it hasn't been easy on you and I am sure I haven't helped your process much ~ for that I am sorry, I have been a little selfish and a lot worried.

I am selfish because I am sad your decision has been made to walk away from hockey.  You are such a fabulous hockey player and your decision has left me reeling and feeling off kilter.  I wasn't expecting last season to be your last season.  I wasn't prepared for you to say "it's gone from 'I get to play hockey' to 'I have play hockey.'"  How very grown up of you...you are growing up, literally, before my eyes.  And selfishly, that makes me sad.

And I worried that your decision wasn't made for the right reasons.  After our talk last night, I know you have made the decision that seems most natural to you.  I thought your decision was based on the fact that you were cut from the U16AAA team.   But your decision to leave the world of travel hockey makes sense to me and now I know it was made well before the U16AAA tryouts.  You had already refocused yourself and your aspirations on lacrosse.  The lacrosse coaches have encouraged you and built you up in a way you haven't had before.  I understand.  Your hockey coaches have always encouraged you, lead you well and taught you to love the game of hockey.  But your lacrosse coaches have given you accolades andencouragement.  They want you to go big.  And that's not such a little deal to you...you want to play college sports.  You understand that you need to embrace the sport that is giving you the most positive feedback.  As we talked last night, you reminded me about an opposing team's coach seeking you out after a game, wishing you well in your college lacrosse career ~ that, to you, means the world.  My worry is gone.

But my sadness still remains.  It remains because all of these decisions mean you are growing up.  And my heart hurts to think the shy, little boy who stepped on the ice 10 years ago has become such an intelligent, young man who dreams big dreams and will be leaving our nest far too soon.  Watching you walk away from hockey...the page is turning on your childhood and I am not ready to see that chapter end.  I am not ready for you to grow up.  Maybe I never will be.  But, Zach, I love you, respect you and know you are ready to take on the next chapter in your life.  The sadness is mine to deal with...just like watching you grow up.

I am very proud of you, my man-child.

With love.
Always ~
Mom

Unbelievable

I don't know why I think yesterday's game was unbelievable but I do.  I should know better than to expect more from yesterday's opposing team but I do.  I go into these games almost with an Polly-Anna-ish expectation that maybe this time will be different.  I go in with a pit in my stomach but a little tiny, little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this time parents and players can keep their shit together and have a good game.

Yesterday, Zach and his team played the number one team in their hockey league, who also happens to be the number one team in the nation at the U16AA level of hockey.  They have crushed nearly every team they have played this year.  Their talent is deep and strong.  And they know it.  They may be the top team in the nation but they are ranked dead last with me because both the players and parents are arrogant and nasty. 

I understand that being number one in the league and the nation can be quite exhilarating and it is an accomplishment of which a team should be proud.  But arrogant?  I've never been one to accept arrogance from anyone.  Arrogance and entitlement are two words that piss me off.  And this hockey league from the players to the parents to the coaches chap my hide. 

In the nine years our kids have played hockey I have never run across another hockey team/organization that brings out such negativity in me.  I have learned, now, that I just need to walk away.  Yesterday was no different.  But yesterday, when I walked away I was disgusted with not only their players and parents but our parents as well...myself included.

I waited too long to walk away.  I waited half a period too long, my patience was sapped and I snapped, just a little but I snapped just the same.  I walked away shaking my head and calling the other team and their parents a bunch of shits...and they were.  But so were we.

What right do I have to call another team a bunch of shits?  I don't.  I have no right to call them anything but opponents.  I should have reigned in my tongue but I didn't.  I let myself stoop to a level I try hard to avoid.  I know myself well enough to know I need to walk away when I see bad behavior.  I did call some of our parents out when the were calling for our boys to go after certain kids on the other team.  I did shake my head in silent mortification as our parents cheered wildly when their kids took penalty after penalty.  But I did exactly what I should never have done...stooped to their level.  UGH...I was a shining example of what not to do.

I have to say, though, I was not the only shining example of what not to do.  Their players were rude, nasty and over the top arrogant.  They know they're number one.  They know they have mercy-ed many teams this season, ending games early with a 10 point lead.  They know some of them are headed onto bigger and better things next season.  It is with all of that in mind that they should be humbly proud but they're not.  They are, for the most part, an obnoxious bunch of jerks.  They had just scored their eighth goal to our one goal when the player who scored skated by our team's bench with his fist in the air, telling our players he was was "it" and they were shit.  He got a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct...in fact he got many penalties for bad behavior and I was happy to see him park his arrogant ass in the sin bin for a while.  At goal number nine, the player who scored skated down the ice in front of our players and "Tebow-ed."  It was a class-less game played by class-less players, coached by class-less coaches and cheered for by class-less parents.  Everyone's behavior was far less than stellar. 

I  hope to not face this team again this year.  I hope the kids who are headed on to "bigger and better" things get a little sense knocked into them in the years ahead so they don't go through life believing they are entitled to behave like arrogant jerks.  I hope, at some point, their unbelievable behavior is toned down several notches and they can see that being a great player in a sport also requires humility and not outright arrogance. 

A Win is a Win, Right?

A win is a win, right? Or are there good wins and bad wins? After yesterday, I have to say, I believe there are good wins and bad wins ~ with yesterday being a bad win...

Zach's team had a league game at home against the Tri-City Eagles. League games are always contentious and played with passion. I went into yesterday's game knowing it would be chippy and hard fought. Our team and Tri-City are both neck and neck for the fourth seed in the league so it was going to be a tough game.

What I saw yesterday, though, left me with a really bad taste in my mouth...both players and parents behaved in a less than decorous manner ~ on both teams. I walked away from that game shaking my head.

I watched the play of the game go from chippy to shitty in a heartbeat and then back again. I watched our players taunt their players after penalties were called. I watched their players wrap their arms around the necks of our players and throw punches. These are 15 and 16 year old boys...they are not in the NHL nor are they playing for the Stanley Cup. Where were the refs, you may ask ~ I have to tell you, I don't know. They were standing there but they must not have been watching the same game I was watching.

Some of the parents were no better, but this time I can say with absolute honesty that I did not join them. I stayed quiet and watched them make spectacles of themselves without any help from me.

Parents from the other team positioned themselves right behind our goalie and screamed obscenities at the refs, our goalie and other parents. When one of our parents told them to cool it with the F-Bombs they were dropping our parent was told in no uncertain terms to "mind your own business, Snookie." Charming. Some of our parents were not much better. When a Tri-City parent rebuked the ref for being late with the whistle or late with the call they said "Too late, ref ~ too late!" Two of our parents decided it would be a good idea to taunt them and could be heard throughout the rink parroting the Tri-City parent in a mocking tone. Charming.

Our boys pulled out a win but was it a good win? I think it was a win by less stellar means. All sides were at fault. The refs did not keep control of the game. The kids didn't keep their emotions in check. The parents didn't keep control of their mouths.

I'm not saying every kid behaved abominally the entire game. There were moments of lucidity and kindness. Zach said not every kid on the other team was a douche (yes, he used that word) and he went on to tell me how he and another kid collided on the ice, sending them both down. The other kid came up to Zach, apologized and said he didn't mean for it to happen. Zach said "I don't know if you're kidding," and the kid said "Nah, man I'm serious. I'm sorry." Sportsmanship. There were also moments of lightness and laughter. Upon getting his third penalty of the game, on of our players stood at the door of the "sin bin" and saluted his dad. Humorous. This is a kid who normally doesn't find himself in the penalty box so for him to be heavily penalized was just a bit funny, I thought. When the sportsmanship and humor took over, it was a good game to watch.

I'm not saying every parent behaved poorly either. Most parents behave in a way that is boring to write about. I choose to stand with those parents for a reason. I know myself well enough to know that even under the best of circumstances I can sometimes pop off with a snarky comment to other teams' parents. So I have learned to position myself in-between those who know me well enough to look at me and say "if you keep it up, I am going to go stand somewhere else." Thanks, Lisa! Yesterday, I kept my comments to "Play hockey, boys." (Not that they heard me. They don't even hear me when I yell stupid stuff.) Most of our parents just cheered for our boys with the standard "Let's go Royals!"

I've decided I really like being on the side of the fence with the parents who are boring to write about. I can walk away from the game not looking like an idiot and make fun of those who do look like idiots. It's much more fun to write about others who behave badly than have to "confess" my bad hockey-mama behavior! Besides, I want to be a good role model for Claire. I love hearing her deep, raspy voice yelling "GOOOOOO, ROYYY-ALS!!" I don't ever want to her to hear me acting like a fool or worse acting like a fool herself because she has seen me do it. Can you say embarrassing?

When the kids played hockey instead of looking for their next hit it was an amazing game to watch. They passed well, they shot the puck well and they scored like gang-busters. It was the kind of hockey I love to watch. Clean, crisp and passionate about the game with not a worry about when they could find the next big hit.

I love cheering for my boys and their teams. I love watching the game my boys are passionate about playing. I truly love it when they win but I adore it when it's a good win filled with good sportsmanship from the players and parents.

Yesterday's game ended in a win. Our boys worked hard and earned the W but it was a hard win to watch. I'm hoping some of these next games produce easier wins...hint, hint!

But I'll keep going and watching and cheering ~ because, and I confess, I am a hockey mama, through and through!

Hockey Season...Just the Begininng

Hockey season officially started this weekend. Between my two hockey playing boys (and not including my husband) they had five games scheduled. Plenty of time to see some good old fashioned crazy hockey mama behavior.

I have to say the first four games only gave me a glimpse of bad behavior from the hockey parents. And perhaps, I was one of the worst offenders. I told everyone I was turning over a new leaf this year. I'm gonna be quiet. I normally have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it but I decided it would be good to take a vow of silence...only cheering for our team and not talking smack to anyone else.

Last night our U16aa team played a team from Charlotte. There are a couple of teams I really don't enjoy watching our kids play, this is one of those teams. It's not because of the level of play or the intensity with which the game is played, it's the parents. They chap my hide and get under my skin. They whine about every call. They cheer when our kids get penalties. They cheer when their kids take cheap shots. I don't like it. It sets my teeth on edge.

Last night was no different. The opposing team was soundly beating our kids. When the score was 5-1 one of their kids took a cheap shot at one of our players and was called for it, as they should have been. The only question surrounding the call, in my mind, was whether is should have been a check from behind or an interference.

Their parents loudly questioned the call...whining, whining, whining.

"Hey, Ref...what was that call for?"

"That's a stupid call!"

All I heard, in my hockey mama head, was "wah, wah, wah...our kid was innocent. He's an angel..." What a bunch of bullshit. Let your kid take his punishment and go sit in the sin bin to cool down. Their continued whining got my hackles raised so when they kept questioning the call, I finally broke my vow of silence (I kept that vow for a long time, huh?) and let the opposing team's parents that our player was hit from behind. The refs actually called interference call but I was still hoping for the lovely check from behind pentalty which have taken their player out of the game for a good, long time.

I re-took my vow of silence and watched the end of the game on my best behavior.

It was after the game that we saw her!  SPIDERWOMAN WAS AT OUR RINK!  The crazy hockey mama who scales the glass, shouting obscentities at the refs and tells other hockey mamas to shut their pie holes. She blew by us and as she stalked off in the other direction all I could hear in my head was the song for The Wicked Witch of the West...

SCARY!

Luckily, I think our boys play her kid's team in just a little while.  I'll keep you posted on any good hockey mama drama but I will stick to my vow of silence this game so she will be the one who looks like the crazy hockey mama. 

The First of Many Hockey Mama Confessions

Hockey season is bearing down us like Hurricane Irene and it's brought the thought of hockey mamas and all their drama to the forefront of my brain. So, I thought I would take this opportunity to introduce my new blog..."Confessions of a Hockey Mama."  It'll be a fun, little blog of crazy hockey mama stories...the stories won't always be P.G. because, let's face it, hockey mamas (or dads) are rarely P.G. ~ at least the ones I know and plan to write about.   I plan to change names to protect the "innocent" but the stories will be real and full of all the drama a hockey mama can cook up.

Hockey mamas...we're quite a breed.  We keep each other on our toes.  We can be the best of friends or the worst of enemies.  This blog will have just a little of both.  I'll tell the crazy hockey mama stories I've experienced myself, seen second hand or been told about.

I've been a hockey mama for as long as I can remember.  Zach was six when he started playing this sport that sucks you in and doesn't release the kids (or parents) from it's grip.  Zach never wanted to play another team sport until he discovered hockey.  He had no idea how to skate or play the game, he just knew he would love it.  Lucas followed in his big brother's footsteps, joining in the fun when he was five and Stan started playing after standing at the glass watching his boys have all the fun.  Stan was 37 when he learned how to play the sport his boys love.  So, I guess you could say, I'm a hockey mama three times over.

I've watched hundreds of games.  I've learned the game from the ground up.  I didn't grow up in the world of  hockey.  I got adopted into the sport by way of my boys.  I know most of the rules and what I don't know I can bluff my way through well enough to sound like I know what I'm talking about.  I may not know all the ins and outs but I know enough to either be scary or brilliant.  I am one of the crazier hockey mamas and I surround myself with like minded hockey mamas ~ Heather and Leslie, just to name two.  I love looking at stats and figuring out who's going to be our toughest competition in a tournament or league play.  I'll go onto different websites to find out league standings and rankings.  I love hockey ~ watching it, participating in the excitement of the crowd and being a bad ass hockey mama.

I love going to my boys' games.  I love watching the crazies come out of the woodwork...myself included.  I've never known a sport to pull out such crazy enthusiasm and passion.  What other sport can "boast" fans who come to  games and act like complete and total idiots (I know there are others but for the sake of my blog, I'm gonna stick to crazy hockey mamas).  We have one hockey mama we've knicknamed "Spiderwoman" because she tries to climb the glass as she's yelling at the refs for missed calls or bad calls or whatever it is that is wrong with the game.  Spiderwoman hooks her fingers over the top of the glass and tries with all her might to scale the glass.  I love watching the crazies at the games.

I know, pretty much, which mamas to avoid at games.  I know myself well enough to know that I can get wound up tighter than a top when I'm around the wrong influence at a game.  Case in point...the year our boys went to playoffs.  I was with a couple of mamas who get wound up tight than I do at games.  It was the game to decide who would be the Capital Beltway Hockey League (CBHL) champions.  Our opposition for this game was a team we have scrapped with on many occassions.  it was shaping up to be quite a contest between the two teams and the parents.  The opposing team's parents positioned themselves directly behind our goalie in the first period.  They taped signs up signs all over the glass.  The chanted and jeered behind our goalie.  (Keep in mind, this was 12 and 13 year old youth hockey.)  They were nasty, so I, along with the my hockey mama friends, got nasty too.  During the second period we went over to where the opposing team was positioned.  We moved some of their signs so we could see the game.  Was it right?  Nope.  Were they right to post signs up directly behind our goalie?  Probably not.  Were they good sports?  Nope.  Were we good sports?  Definitely not.  We should never have moved their signs.  Because we moved their signs they started puffing out their chests and making threats.  One of our hockey mamas, I'll call her Mary, got into with one of the opposing mamas.  Words kept getting more heated and the situation was escalating when Mary blew up and said to the opposing mama "Shut up, you fat bitch!"  In response the opposing mama said "I may be a fat bitch but at least I'm not a white trash, piece of shit like you!"  WOW ~ classy!  What do you do with that??  Chests kept puffing bigger and bigger, so my thought was to get the hell outta Dodge!  I took Mary's arm and dragged her away from the ruckus.  On top of all of the heated words, we lost the game.  It was a bitter pill to swallow.   This team was our "arch-nemesis."  We lost the CBHL title to our biggest competition.  As we were standing around recapping the game I realized something wasn't quite right with my wedding ring...I looked down to see a broken setting and four missing rubies.  During the game, as I was pounding on the glass, I broke my wedding ring.  Talk about classy...who breaks their wedding ring at a youth hockey game by pounding like a mad-woman on the glass?  Uh, that'd be ME!!  I definitely learned which mamas get me too wound up. 

I've learned how to keep myself a little more calm but that doesn't stop situations from happening all around me.  I'll tell the crazy stories in this blog.  If you have a crazy hockey mama story I'd love to hear it!  The more crazy stories the better!!  I love realizing that I may be a little crazy but, for the most part, I have nothing  on the other mamas out there but I'll confess my worst.  Come along for the ride ~ it'll be wild!